i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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