I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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