I will die if light touches me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize