Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
