batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
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Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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