Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
