who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm like, not good at living.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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