If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
