He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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