By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
