I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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