I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
