I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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