And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
