You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
