I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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