im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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