We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.