Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.

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  (716): Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike. http://tfl.nu/hlna
  Replies (49) Good night (878) Bad night (5544)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.

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  (727): If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends. http://tfl.nu/hu0f
  Replies (25) Good night (574) Bad night (3488)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?

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  (252): Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome? http://tfl.nu/vqed
  Replies (56) Good night (2167) Bad night (9823)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.

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  (731): who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you. http://tfl.nu/e0pj
  Replies (39) Good night (5359) Bad night (2423)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice

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  (920): its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice http://tfl.nu/sbu6
  Replies (16) Good night (4787) Bad night (1500)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed

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  (219): I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed http://tfl.nu/t98c
  Replies (2) Good night (1989) Bad night (936)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.

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  (973): They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos. http://tfl.nu/2qr6
  Replies (8) Good night (3097) Bad night (1094)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.

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  (812): there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected. http://tfl.nu/s29p
  Replies (8) Good night (1158) Bad night (2942)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.

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  (864): The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up. http://tfl.nu/edto
  Replies (6) Good night (2425) Bad night (1199)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading

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  (480): I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading http://tfl.nu/eqt2
  Replies (8) Good night (2214) Bad night (932)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Coming to you live from the floor of my office..

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  (919): Coming to you live from the floor of my office.. http://tfl.nu/0ate
  Replies (2) Good night (1436) Bad night (595)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.

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  (814): Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud. http://tfl.nu/9n74
  Replies (5) Good night (1105) Bad night (519)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied

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  (919): We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied http://tfl.nu/gjsm
  Replies (0) Good night (1029) Bad night (348)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.

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  (416): He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came. http://tfl.nu/cj68
  Replies (2) Good night (407) Bad night (718)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina

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  (443): So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina http://tfl.nu/qg34
  Replies (9) Good night (190) Bad night (814)

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