Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex