literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
