My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap