You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
