Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
