what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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