it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
