how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
