Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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