Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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