i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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