Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize