Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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