eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
