I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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