I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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