I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize