you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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