I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
