Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
