your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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