I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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