Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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