he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
