I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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