its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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