i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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