Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
