her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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