Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
