Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
