Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
