im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
