I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I CAN MOONWALK!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
