Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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