We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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