Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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