***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
