your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
