like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
