We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
