I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
